What’s more popular than The Jonas Brothers and ten times more annoying? No, not Miley Cyrus, but that was a good guess. It’s "Twilight", the pandemic that is sweeping through America. Ask almost any female between the ages of 12-25 about "Twilight" and you will get some high-pitched noises and some babbling about how perfect Edward is.

I heard rumors of healthy normal relationships being ended because guys weren’t behaving enough like this mysterious Edward. Supports groups are popping up all over the web (Support Group Link) for guys that are troubled by "Twilight" fever. It's spreading like a zombie apocalypse. And the scariest part, "Twilight" is going to be with us for the next several years – in the form of sequels.

What this all means for us unfortunate guys is you probably are going to be dragged to see, and then compared to Edward at some point in the near future. If you are a single you can use this review to gain enough insight to trick the women into thinking you like this melodramatic teenage-girl-crap-of-a-movie. That is really why I am writing this, for the benefit of guys around the world. I was dragged to this movie against my will like every other guy in the theater. Something needed to be done. We have to be ready for the onslaught.

Let’s start out with a plot summary (spoilers if you care). Bella moves to a small town in Northern Washington, where it rains a lot (this is important to the plot). She goes to school and meets her new peers. There are normal kids, the jocks, the nerds, and oh yeah, a bunch of pale-faced kids with ridiculous hair that don’t come to school on sunny days. Bella finds one of the pale-faced kids attractive (Edward) who is coincidentally her lab partner. For the next hour of the movie nothing happens of any importance. Let me sum it up. Edward saves Bella from getting run over by a car, but in doing this she figures out he is not human. They talk a bunch, Edward glows like a diamond when in the sun (you can’t make this shit up), they fall in love, Edward says he wants to eat her, and there is a ridiculous vampire baseball scene (seriously, you can’t make this shit up). Eventually, a bad vampire from another clan wants to eat Bella so Edward and his family save her and predictibly kill the bad vampire. Edward and Bella go to prom and we learn that Native Americans are actually werewolves (I think). That’s it. There’s your big hit movie.