It was barely 2009 on the First Friday of January when a cheerful, mellow crowd took their seats for the monthly short film contest. But with FFS, mellow is a relative term. Unprompted, the crowd began clapping in unison for Max, our beloved host. And when he appeared, some in the crowd hollered “Take it off!”

Now everyone knows that Max is too sexy for his shirt. And everyone knows that he often taunts the audience with promises that he will disrobe, then coyly remains clad. So the calls for “Take it off!” are nothing new. Thus it was with considerable astonishment and elation (not quite presidential inauguration level, but still) that we watched as Max snatched his shirt off his chiseled torso and stood, proud and pink, nipples erect. Needless to say, we feasted our eyes. He’s looking good for an irreverent culture junkie and father of two.

Despite protesting that he was cold, Max did not seem to want to put his shirt back on. More incendiary still, he dangled the catnip of a visit to his shag-carpeted van for select audience members. The qualifications required for this coveted invitation were never quite clear.

Max opened with a ringer, “A Peanus Christmas,” a spoof of the threadbare classic “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” In the flick, a sultry adult live-action Lucy seduces an adult Charlie, but when Charlie’s drunk mom shows up, Charlie goes psycho-killer and attacks all the other characters. Funny until it went all slasher, but again I’m a wizened father of two and I’ve lost my taste for gratuitous gore. Plus I cringed for the ‘tweens who were back in the front row that night.

The evening’s first film in competition was, “My Name Is Nacho” by Robert Jaure, an animated comedy in which a big rude dude drinks devil soda and turns into a devil. More animation followed with, “Loss of Face,” by Todd Winkels, an impressionistic flow of cool spindly line drawings in which faces and female forms emerged against a static-y soundtrack. Artsy and interesting.

After another ringer, a mock-commercial for a baby doll that pees on the daddy, we saw still more animation, this time from the Basic Animation Skills Class at the Tucson Art Institute. Titled “Balls,” the compilation showed a variety of animated bouncing balls with funny sound effects.

Next came William Wilson with his film “A Moment of Christmas Zen.” Wilson introduced his film by reading from the back of a book of poetry by Star Trek’s own Leonard Nimoy. The film boasted a single shot of a giant inflatable Santa who straddles the road – Winter Haven? The crowd loved it. And Max, bare-chested and quick on the draw, picked up on the Nimoy poetry and shared some doggerel allegedly penned by William Shatner. He recited the poem, complete with his impression of Shatner’s signature speaking style, as follows:

Spock
feel my jock,
my cock
is hard as a rock!

If that don’t leave ‘em rolling on the playground, nuthin’ will. Max then went into a rambling ode to porn food, which was hard to follow until he screened the next ringer, an extra-cheesy 1980s music video “Room Service” which featured a bevy of shirtless Chippendale’s hunks who service a sexy rich vixen when she arrives at a luxury hotel and calls for room service. Impressive hair. Then Brooke Sebold rolled out “Thief,” a tight, expertly shot and deftly edited suspense short that was short on narrative but outstanding on technique. I sat up and took notice, and so did many in the audience. Then it was time for intermission.

During intermission I ventured out to the Loft patio to hobnob, and when I returned the crowd was chanting “Zar! Zar! Zar!” Zar turned out to be the towering bearded ingénue from a homemade workout video that the Loft crew was screening for entertainment during the break. Max popped up with a carved Tiki Head mask (how does he do it? Does he keep this stuff in the van?), and Max commanded all to bow down to Zar. Yells for Zar rang out randomly through the rest of the evening.

Before going back to the films in competition, Max rolled another ringer starring bubble wrap. Without any title that I saw, the film focused on animated talking faces drawn over bubble wrap. Inevitably, giant fingers and pencils then pop the hapless bubbles, and the bubbles suffer terrible anxiety as they and their brethren get popped. Clever and funny.

Then Brooke Sebold screened her second film of the night, “Brotherhood.” It starts with a young man hitchhiking on a rural road, then his wild older brother picks him up in a car that might be stolen and insists that he drive the younger brother home on his visit from college. The two brothers bond as the tension between them grows, they run out of gas, they get more gas, they have a fight while driving, and then the cops close in. The older brother reveals that he’s on the run from the law.

Exceptionally well-crafted on every level, engaging and affecting, the film showcases outstanding directing talent. Some Googling revealed that Sebold grew up in Tucson and now lives in San Francisco. With co-directors Benita and Todd Sills, she made the acclaimed documentary “Red Without Blue” about gay identical twins, one of them transgender. We wish Sebold great things in her film career, and we hope she will bring more of her short films to FFS when she visits Tucson again.

Then the Wonderful Stories team brought “Couch” with their signature deadpan oddball humor. In the film, a couch starts talking about numbers, then the main character uses a calculator, his friend comes over, the friend is amazed by the talking couch, and they have a party. Sometimes amusing, sometimes tiresome.

The couch chat was followed by Morgan Clinco’s “Levitation of the Moai Head,” a documentary about about a young couple’s attempt to levitate the giant Tiki Head from Magic Carpet Golf back to MCG. The two telekinetic troubadours wrap their heads in tape, dance, chant, gambol and generally get very silly as they strive to levitate the gargantuan Moai Head back from the Hut to MCG. Their efforts deserve our thanks, and if they had kept the record of their efforts considerably shorter it might been better received, but the novelty wore off.

Next up, Tim Wambolt screened a film he made with his 9-year-old daughter about the supernatural, but it rambled and got the GONG! Then Ray and friends screened “Party Foul: A Beer Pong Documentary.” Their budget was a 30-pack, again a good idea that went way too long, GONGED! Tom Rossi’s flick “Uncensored” was a single shot of a pretty girl in front of a blackboard as she sing-songs all the offensive words she and Rossi can think up. Amusing enough, but as Mike Sterner commented, “You forgot felching,” and I did not need to be reminded. Spare yourself, don’t look it up. In succession, Kevin Connely’s “Animation Fest 1” was a random series of sci-fi spaceship animations without a storyline, and Joe Maz’ mockumentary “Playing with the Band” featured Joe Maz playing all the roles of interviewer, rock star, nerdy aspiring rocker. Kudos to Maz for the hard work on his characters, but some less stereotypical voices would have sparked more interest and comedy.

All together an unforgettable evening and an auspicious topless start to the New Year. I don’t remember when Max finally put his shirt back on. Thanks to all the filmmakers for their hard work and the courage to face the gong. If you didn’t win, do like Obama says, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and revitalize the global economy by making another film. These days, that $200 monthly prize is looking real good. And who won? By thunderous applause, Sebold’s “Brotherhood” took the night’s prize. And it deserved it. See you Friday!

Please login or register to add comments